be happy cause its not the end of the world....

2011-02-10T21:50:00.002+08:00

It hurts a lot when you said that to me... I would never ever betray you. You have been good to me, better than you treat yourself. I really had no idea.... Would something as little as this affect our friedship of four years. If yes, then i think we dont have the mutual trust.....

2010-10-17T13:54:00.001+08:00

7 more days to O levels.. Tomorrow is grad day.. am i prepared...? i dont think so.. i dont know. I triesd to study but i think i cant catch up... i am really demoralised... haish.. i want my old self back... i want my self discipline, my self confident and my self reliant...!!!!!!!!!

I am a champion - the greatest speech ever [ENG SUB]

2010-10-11T16:18:00.000+08:00

I still cannot be motivated after watching this video...

2010-10-11T15:59:00.002+08:00

i dont know whether i can continue further or not.. Hisyam you have lost the game..

2010-10-07T16:47:00.002+08:00

I seriously cant stand this madness anymore...I really lost all form of determination today...each day each subject when the teachers enter the class with a huge pile of paper for us to do, just make me hate school more.. Do they think that we have 24 hours to do our work??? We don't need sleep is it??? haish still got stacks of works from last week and this week is still piling up... is it even finishable??

2010-09-23T16:26:00.002+08:00

Well today is filled with disappointments... Practically failed 5 subjects... how to catch up 5 subjects in like 31 days... haish....

Are You Going Through Hardships In Life?

2010-09-09T17:56:00.000+08:00

2010-09-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

school is killing me.. How good it is if we can only focus on one subject...

I may seem rather strong to you guys.. but the fact is i am not.. i am a weak person.. Deep down inseide me i am weeping.. my heart is hurting.. to see my friends quarreling and seem like not affected was nothing but an act... everyone look up to me, oh he is the mediator.. he is the responsible guy.. He is the guy with influence and everyone trust him.. like come on, i dont even dare to use those trust, i am scared of betraying and hurting people.. I am just someone weak.. The old Hisyam has been perished i guess.. I just want my old self back at all cost.. Where did all those determination go? the never say die attitude?? the motivation? the stay strong, smile more and always guy?? I dont joke much now.. i just dont know where that guy go.. now is just a guy who drags his feet to and from school like a lifeless body.... haish.. life.....

2010-08-30T21:23:00.002+08:00

haish my 100th post is really going to be saddening..

Ya Allah, protect my sister in law from any mishaps. Take her out of her misery if you must. Grant her back her body so that she can lead a better life. Forgive her sins and let her come back to her family..

2010-08-27T21:14:00.002+08:00

Haish today is so terrible i should not say about it..

Ran with Eileen about 5 rounds of parade square during chem night class.. Felt a bit more relief so i decided to run a round of the park connector which is equivalent to about 2.4km?? So today ran about 3km??

I am terribly sorry.. I don't know what was wrong with me that day.. you have always been really nice to me.. Been there when i feel sad.. you went through thick and thins with me.. Seen me cry, that's what i call a great friends.. though we are of different religion, race and gender you treated me so well.. and i mistreated you.. i am really terribly sorry.. I just don't know myself anymore..!!

2010-08-24T19:56:00.001+08:00

Haish... so tired of this stinking life.. i Just feel so helpless now..

Sometimes i just laugh for no reasons, you guys may wonder why.. I am just laughing my stress out.. but sometimes it just does not work.. i hav no idea whats wrong with me... I lost all my skills.. my skills to do everything i used to do.. Now is just like dragging my legs to school and back home and the enxt day to school and the cycle just continue.. i no longer walk as fast as i used to.. TOO TIRED.. Just feel like giving up.. haish

2010-08-19T22:37:00.002+08:00

I really dont know how far i can go.. I am losing all hopes in motivating myself.. board has already been thrown far away and i am still not performing to my expectations.. i just dont know what i need to do.. I am so confused.. i dont even know what i am writing.. i just feel like confiding into someone.. but to confide into who??? who would understands my agony.. my pain.. . i am really so tired of life.. of being failure.. yes failure is the mother of success but who can stand failing always... whats wrong with me.. i dont even know myself anymore.. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH... why is it so hard.????????

2010-08-15T17:46:00.002+08:00

Why in the world did you go that stupid thing?? i warned you before but if it really happen i dont know what to say.. We had many examples to learn from but if you still commit the same mistakes i tell you she is going to be really sad.. She is already old dont make her disappointed and sad again.. Please tell us if you did anything else so that we can help and do something to prevent it... Please dont make it happen....

2010-08-13T23:47:00.002+08:00

Well school was alright though i was flying during the last period.. Thanks to Cheryl Yuen and Lien Wei cheng for always trying to wake me up.. Hahas..'

Went to friday prayers then help out at the mosque for awhile then went home.. Fell asleep woke up at 6.20.. Almost late for night class... Rush to night class and then do the worksheets, brain like dead... cannot really think properly..

After night class brother brought me and family to eat sushi.. Very full, then we take a walk at ECP.. the memories... haish..

Aku amat kecewa dengan keputusan kalian semua.. Aku sudah cuba sedaya upaya untuk menjadikan kalian seorang ihsan yang bertanggungjawab tetapi sudah terbukti bahawa aku telah gagal.. Apakah daya, ini semua keputusan kalian.. Aku hanya boleh duduk di tepi dan lihat...

2010-08-12T21:41:00.002+08:00

Sampai bilakah aku boleh bertahan dengan semua yang berlaku ini...

Hari-hari akan ku memhabiskan satu hari ke sekolah... Sle pas sekolah sempatku mermberi pertolongan kpada orang-orang tua yangg membungkus bubur itu... Selapas itu balik ke sekolah untuk kelas malam dan kelas tambahan.. Selepas itu pulang sudaj lewat malam.. Sampai rumah kena buat kerja rumah... Bagaimanakah pelajaranku?? bilakah aku boleh buat kerja sekolahku?? Haruskah aku korbankan waktu tidurku?? Setiap hari aku hanya mendapat 5 jam bagi merehatkan tubuhku ini...Aku amat letih.. Letih dengan permainan dunia ini..

hari-hari aku akan memberi alasan untuk tidak membayarnya.. keluargaku sudah kesempitan wang...apakah nasibku bergini.. aku tidak tahu apa yang harusku lakukan melainkan menyerahkan nasibku kepada ilahi...

2010-07-27T22:52:00.001+08:00

I am losing the enthusiasm for tomorrow.. i don't know whether i have the confidence... i don't know whether i have what it takes.. i am so scared to put on that mask and put up a strong front again.. i am very scared of the outcome.. all this made me want to skip tomorrow.. i don't think i should go.. i just rob some one's opportunity...

2010-07-25T16:32:00.002+08:00

Hmm i had a BLAST weekend...

Hmm i would only talk about my return trip from Tanjung Balai..

After our ferry left its port i told my mum i want to go up and enjoy the breeze..

So on the way back i was thinking with the music playing on my earpiece.. I should be back to my reckless attitude in sec 1.. I should not be what i am today.. trying to restrict myself to this and that.. i would be what i am.. no more mask.. no more acts.. i must be like last time where problems are things that should be solved but should be loved.. i never used to emo.. so whats the diff now?? hahas... so i am going to be back to my own self.. besides that i also think that i should not waste time on things not concerning to me.. lets put that aside now.. and i would bring you through what i saw along the way..

The sunset.. i never knew it was from yellow to orange to red.. it was so beautiful with the sea and mountains on the background.. i was stunt at how beautiful nature can be.... then it got me thinking of god.. how blessed i am to be able to see the world where some can only see darkness.. to be able to hear when some can only hear their thoughts in their mind.. to be able to travel when some are too poor to even eat... with all this blessing i was still not content with life?? hmm how selfish i was...

Next i saw, fighter jets of the Republic of Singapore Air Force in the air, frigate of the Republic of Singapore Navy in the sea and the police coast guard boat.. now how blessed we are to be born in Singapore.. where peace and prosperity prevails.. security is given to every citizen and visitor.. Then it got me thinking of how this servicemen sacrifice their time and family to ensure our city is safe.. No one stop to thank them, when they see them outside.. no one show their gratitude,, but they still serve the nation proudly.. that's what i should do.. hmm the trip really make me think.. :)

Thanks my lovely family for everything.. though i cannot join you all to Malaysia this Friday cause of that concert..

2010-07-22T21:13:00.002+08:00

I seriously don't know what to do.. Study so hard.. Fail.. Don't study also fail.. Then what is the use of studying.. i am trying m y best.. listening in class, avoiding falling asleep.. After school study.. Go home bath, rest then study again... Whats wrong.. I screwed that paper just because i thought carbon is a metal... No wonder no one care about my advices because i am a failure.. a big failure... failed in making the board a better place.. failed in studies... failed in studies.. My biggest failure is ruining 2 people....

I had a really bad dream.. A dream that i fell from level 9... Then my life ended there.. Sometimes how i wish it could be that easy, so everyone would be happy without me around.. So i can ed all this nonsense,... but god forbids committing suicide..

Today is a fucking bad day.. a really unlucky day... haish... Hisyam what has become of you??

2010-07-21T22:00:00.002+08:00

Hmm today is not that bad :)

Thanks Angels and Yun Yue for the great today.. had a nice time cahtting with you all :)

Basically spend my day for myself today and i am finally getting the hang of studying.. Thanks alot to those who always pull me tos tudy with you all especially, Jan, Joanne, Nicole, Yun Yue and EILEEN @@ :) Thanks for the care and concern from everyone especially my lovely caring juniors.. All the best to eceryone who is having SPA and test :) Jia Yous

2010-07-20T20:42:00.002+08:00

To a Special Junior:

Every morning i would wake up and check my phone for messages..

If i see it is yours i would quickly read it, in case you needed me and i am not there..

But when i see you in school, i have the sense of betrayed and unappreciated..

Never once have we sit down and talk without bringing in work stuffs into the conversation..

Though sometimes i may be cold towards you, just ignore me,

Because i just had flashbacks of the past..

You have changed for the better now.. I know you have..

I would like to thank you for the experience you gave me..

All these valuables values like Patience, Resilience and Uprightness would be in me forever

Thanks a lot for the memory..

To another Special Junior

Everyday when i see you, i see a dead man walking...

I see you walking aimlessly..

My heart hurts for you

But you would not tell me about it...

All you say is its in the past and i don't wish to rake it up..

Well i know who i am.. I mean nothing to you.. so i can blame you for that..

All i ask from you is to stay strong k?

Sometimes i ask myself.. Is what i do for other worth it?? But what can i ask from them, like the saying goes; don't expect anything in return for you help.. I think i am such a failures.. Please dont get a wrong idea, this is not about the board.. this is about friendships...

Sometimes i wander the whole school ALONE... Lots of people tell me, "Wah, Hisyam, so many people know you ah.." Well whats the point of people knowing me but no one to be with.. I have plenty of friends and some very good friends but for best friend, i doubt so.. No one know my favourite colour o my favourite food or my hobby..? Sometimes when i feel like talking to someone, i look in front they are feeling down or concentrating on studies.. to the left they are busy talking.. to the right she is forever mugging.. then i start messaging.. but the reply is like coming from hell.. So much for lots of people know me.. sometimes i just wish to turn the clock back to when i was in sec 1 and refuse that nomination for prefect...

2010-07-19T20:55:00.001+08:00

To My Juniors : Though i have stepped down.. you can still approach me and have a chat or if you need advices k??

2010-07-19T20:20:00.002+08:00

Hmm woke up 45 mins earlier today, rushed to bath and skipped my breakfast cause i thought i was going to be late to meet someone.. End up i reach there, he forgot.. Well, my sacrfices always goes down the drain so who cares..

So made used of the time to study a bit.. The go to FRC, gosh, why sec 4s always kena target... sad, but its ok more time for me to read my book :D Recess, again skipped recess, spent it by reading newspaper and watching the video.. went back to class.. nothing much le.. after school, study again...

Now my life is all about study study and study.. But i never knew studying is so fun.. hahas.. now i know how claire feel :)

2010-07-16T20:30:00.002+08:00

No words can describe how i feel today.. Its been 2 days that i dont have problems to tie me down.. All i can say is lifa is finally superb.. Hahas.. this gonna be a really short post cause i dont know what to say..

God please give Mr Taha the strength and patience for him to fulfill his duties.. Mr Taha you brought the change...

2010-07-13T20:28:00.001+08:00

sometimes i just feel like jumping to end everything..

2010-07-13T20:00:00.002+08:00

I am tired of everything. Tired of coaching people.. Talking to people.. Homeworks.. Assesments.. TYS... EVERYTHING.. Its like i need to do everything in this god damn world..... Not too sure whether my help is appreciated or taken note of or not...

For today only i was already approached by 3 juniors that they want to quit.... I dont know lah.. But i am disappointed.. Terribly..

The rehearsal is a failure.. I am a failure.. I screw the whole thing up... I am sorry prefects for wasting your time.. Really Sorry..

For today only i have misplaced my bag 3 times, book once and phone once.. Lucky Mr Teo, Chin Keong and Sok Kuan found my bag respectively.. I dont know whats got into me today.. I was like sriously blut.. Thought i lost my pencil but it is inside my bio book..
During maths more classic.. I turn the whole table upside down to find a worksheet.. guess where it is? ITS ON MY HAND... haish...

Adakah apa yang aku lakukan ini betul.. Kenapakah hatiku ini amat lembut sehingga senang untuk dipuji?? Aku amat penat dengan semua ini.. Siapalah aku ini.. Aku hanya seorang manusia... Aku tidak boleh buat semuanya....Aku betul-betul penat dengan permainan dunia yang tidak beputus-putus...

Michael Jackson - You Are Not Alone lyrics

2010-07-11T19:08:00.000+08:00

Definitely a message i want to share to all my juniors, friends, god brothers and sisters, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.... ESPECIALLY TO YOU GIRL.. STAY STRONG

2010-07-11T18:33:00.002+08:00

I have decided to reopen my blog for no reason....

I thought after i step down i can put my mind at ease and focus on my studies but i think i am wrong.. I am lost in my decision making and i think i have lost my sense of direction... Never in life have i felt this way...

Am i that stressed up?? Thats what i have been told by juniors, friend, teachers and family... Cheryl Yuen, Eileen , Jia Xin, Kian Meng and Theng Wei even bought my birthday present earlier( though it has passed-, they told me they would give after O's) and they gave me a stress tomato.. Its kinda useful and thoughtful of them but i dont think it helps me in dis-stressing... My sister says i have more white hair, so she helped me pull some out and my, there are so long.. My father remarked, "I never had white hair at your age..." When i meet with some of the those whom i have not met for some time they said i look older, like really older.. its as if i am in my 20s.. haish, perhaps i am really stressed???

I have tried my very best to study everyday but i just dont have the self discipline to sit down for hours to do some stupid questions.. how i admire those students who can study for hours....I just feel like giving up and just help my mum forever...

Wahai ibuku, kenapakah engkau kuat berjudi.. Kau selalu mengadu yang kau tak ada duit tetapi engkau menjudikannya semua... Ya Allah, ampunkan dosanya itu dan tunjukkanlahnya jalan yang benar..

Should i just handover everything to you.. since you are the one in charge now... But i just dont have the trust that you would do a good job.. after everything that you have done i have some doubts about you... show me that i am wrong and everyone is right..

And you please mind your language.... you are always getting into trouble.. knowing your temper i always try to get rid of those who want to harm you.. now i dont think i can do it le.. please try and control that temper of yours....

and you please take care of yourself.. just because he sometimes ignore you does not mean he does not like you anymore.. He may just be tired.. K.. these few days its been better, hope it stays that where..

hey girl.. stay strong k? you can fight that disease... you are a strong girl who has always tried to cheer me up.. i know you can do it.. please stay strong and fight it...

2010-07-06T21:06:00.002+08:00

When you tell me about it.. It broke my heart... you are such a pleasant girl.. This actually reminded me of how cruel this world is.. How unfair reality and fate is.. I am afraid to lose one more friend, but i know you are not going to give up easily.. I know you are a very strong girl who would not give up without a fight.. I am sorry that i took you for granted.. Always there to cheer me up.. Now its my turn to return your gratitude.. please allow me too.. i have been whining about how unfair life is but look someone else who looks happy is actually feeling worse...

I am ashamed of myself. I am a malay yet i can speak proper malay.. Even the MM or PM who is a chinese cant speak fluent malay.. Its such a shame.. A let down.. I dont know what to do.. I feel like i am so useless... I feel like i lose my identity....

2010-07-05T21:23:00.002+08:00

Like others in school, i do question myself why i enjoy priviliges which other srudents dont have.. IS it because i have gotten their trust?? but why did i have their trust?? I have always had privileges, even in primary school.. i dont know whether i deserve that kind of treatment.. there are others who are way better that deserve it..

The resepect i receive from my juniors... or maybe they act to respect me.. nevertheless, each time a junior call my name, said hi, nod their heads or wave at me, i would ponder.. do i deserve such a respect.. do i deserve all this friendliness.. i questions myself, who am i always???

2010-07-04T15:49:00.002+08:00

I am so disappointed with myself.. Just because of my own selfishness someone who is so strong, so good and a potential suffered lots of setbacks alone... It was so bad that he build walls around him to protect himself. The wall which forever changed him.. And i still dare to reprimand someone for being selfish... LOOK at YOURSELF, hisyam. Who are you? Because of you someone happiness was destroyed. his childhood been scarred forever. just because of your fears? Does multiple betrayals from someone after what you have done, the tears, the concerns, the sleepless nights, the leaving of class early and return late just to be with him so that you can help him when he needs you, gives you the right to close your doors to others who needs it a lot more than the previous guy? Someone who look forwards to embrace it.. I don't know what you are thinking all this while, hisyam.. You need to accept your failures and not close yourself just because of that.. though its hard to do... Nothing is impossible if you tried your best..

I apologise for my mistake.. though you are willing to give me another chance.. what i have done to you would forever remain there and no amount of apology and effort can erase painful memories...

2010-07-02T20:23:00.002+08:00

I cant stand all this anymore... I know who i am... I am just a normal guy to you but at least spare a thought for me.. you know that i was really disappointed with what you tell me.. i really hope you would spare a thought for others but i see i am wrong.. I am beginning to think its friends influence..

and you, appreciate what i am doing for you now and not give me attitude.. no one is going to give you face or protect you anymore after i leave..

and you, i am speechless. you are a total let down...

I spend so much time and sacrificed too much for my juniors but do they even appreciate it? Everyday cursing and scolding me and attitude me some more..... We were even ask to just leave the hall after passing down ceremony(initially), that broke my heart.. i was shocked.. just hope that you guys would not go through the same things when you all become the seniors..
Perhaps because i am such a failure that's why.. I pulled my whole exco down.. I am sorry to everyone whom i have let down..

2010-07-01T19:13:00.003+08:00

When i saw you today, i wanted to tell you how to do it next time.. i wanted to talk to you.. but your face looks unwelcoming.. i dont even dare to approach.. rejection is a fear everyone is afraid of.. all i can do now is to wish you all the best..Perhaps they were right, i failed in training the next batch.. Cheng Lei and the office people was right.. i did not dida good job in passing down so indirectly all that is happening in the exco is my fault.. i did not train you properly.. now you are lost in what to do which affected that guy.. I am a failure in everything... studies, board and even friendship.... haish...

Today you dont look really happy.. cheer up k? Anything message me bah..

hey, you better dont stress yourselve with stuffs you dont need to do k? try to msg me if you need help.. if i am in a capacity to help i would..

i am glad my studies is improving especially maths like finally.. i am going to work harder...

2010-06-29T20:07:00.002+08:00

Why? i did not mean to put you aside.. but you need to know that i needed to settle things.. i did ask you to go first but you insisted on waiting.. but when i told you i am not eating you were.. i don't know what to describe that..there are other reasons why i don't eat during recess and after school... just understand... I was saddened by that..

you, i totally gave up.. i am totally disappointed with you.. i expected to much from you.. too bad.. its such a waste....

2010-06-28T22:18:00.002+08:00

i was ok earlier part of today.. brought a smile in school.. but reality struck me.. i have no time to smile.. no time to waste.. i have things to settle immediately especially studies.. haish i am worried for all of them and for my studies.. which one to choose??

I am worried for you man.. i know you wont share with me anything but just know that i am always here for you..

And you, you say you gave me face and tell me first that ask me to settle.. he did what you want but you never kept to your words.. it made me loo bad to him..

Life is nothing but a stage.. A stage for actors to act wiht their mask.. The good actors manage to hide themselves among all the actors where as the bad ones would reveal themselves... the good one would achieve alot but wont be happy... the bad ones would either be casted by the society or they are just left like that... so which one am i?? i am lost.. with no direction...Life??? Is it that beautful??

When Life has you feeling Down, Keep these Words in Mind...

2010-06-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

Definitely a video i would recommend to everyone.. Sit down, read every word and then think and reflect on it ..

Employee Motivation: Elements of Greatness

2010-06-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

This one really gets me motivated..

An Inspirational Video 1 - The Law Of Attraction

2010-06-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

A video for the Leaders..

Life Quotes & Quotations

2010-06-24T21:17:00.001+08:00

Another inspirational video...

Rules For Being Human

2010-06-24T21:13:00.000+08:00

2010-06-23T21:05:00.002+08:00

i don't know whether i should be happy or sad with you?? i just don't feel like telling anyone... you need to understand that.. you yourself sometimes never tell me whats wrong.. i know you meant well fort me but look there are certain things that i just don't like telling... i hope you understand...

I am starting to get headache... i am confused... i give up on looking on the bright side of life... i am tired with being Strong on the outside and weak in the inside..very tired of acting..

2010-06-23T11:03:00.002+08:00

I didn't want to admit..It was easier to lie, and hide the hurt and emptiness, to smile instead of cry....

2010-06-22T23:09:00.000+08:00

Why is fate so cruel to us?? This time my whole family would have sleepless nights..

2010-06-20T10:32:00.002+08:00

Whats wrong with me??? I have not been sleeping peacefully..
slept at 11.30p.m.
Toss and turn and manage to sleep at 12.45a.m.
The first time i close my eyes yesterday night, i was at sea.. then i jump inside.. and i was drowned.. It was like the waves engulfed me.... then i woke up its only 1.15a.m.
then i don't know why i keep waking up.. at about 2.10a.m., about 3.30a.m., about 4.20 a.m., about 5.15a.m,, about 6.20a.m. and lastly about 7.30a.m... i gave up sleeping and wake up... I eat less this few days.. cannot sleep peacefully.. this is driving me nuts...

2010-06-19T20:24:00.003+08:00

8 more days??? Would i be able to enjoy that day??? Unexpected events may unfold again... I think this would be the worse one i have ever had eversince i was born.. All i simpy ask for was a reunion... but you are being really unrealistic.. i agreed to your request but now this have to happen... Lord dont you want me to pull my family back together again?? I was promised that i can enjoy that day by Kevin and Claire.. I know i would if i manage to get out of this fog that engulfed my mind... If i manage to go... Perhaps I should not have planned that outing.. it only hurts others and would hurt others.......

2010-06-18T21:34:00.002+08:00

Oh Tuhan, saya hanya boleh merujuk kepada anda dengan masalah saya. Saya bimbang untuk mereka semua.... keluarga,teman dan junior.... oh tuan Mahakuasa, sila tunjukkan jalan untuk mengatasi semua permasalahan yang dihadapiku ini... Saya tahu ini adalah ujian bagi saya tapy tolong Tuanku... jnagan tinggalkan aku dalam kesusahan.....membimbing saya, menunjukkan saya dan membantu saya kerana anda adalah semua-mengetahui dan semua-mengasihi... Berikan kekuatan kepada keluarga saya terutama ibu saya yang amat dicintai... dia terlalu tua untuk melewati semua masalah ini.... Sila tuan, jika anda perlu meletakkan masalah pada saya.... sila tuan, menunjukkan junior saya cara yang betul untuk masalah-masalah mereka... beri mereka kekuatan mereka perlukan..

2010-06-15T21:24:00.002+08:00

Today was alright lah... Was feeling really terrible today.. thats why you all see me read books.. When i read books mean i am feeling terrible inside.. when the prefects started their rehearsal everyone was like so bored.. so i decided to put on a mask and be hyper... well it went on undetected... after the whole thing end, i sit at the back, reading the book.. reading halfway saw him.. he was alright... but dont know what is in his heart and mind, so i took out the letter and read it.. tears emerge in my eyes..

Some told me you really hated me.. some told me you block me off msn.. i am not angry with you for doing that.. i must have done something to make you angry.. have really been a bad mantor to you.. i should have let ck mentor you..i should have known that i am never fit to mentor anyone.. thank god ck can work by himself.. or else he would be like you.. i am really sorry for not doing the job to the max.. i am really terribly sorry...

2010-06-13T18:00:00.002+08:00

Wrote this while i was at my shop... Under the eyes of 2 of my juniors.. i guessed my mask was on which was why they could not realise...

I have lost the light that has always brighten the dark tunnel of life.... Now i am scared, having to face all this alone... With nothing guiding me, i am lost... Lost in the game of life.. the light that once burned with might is now dim light a faint star in the sky. Now that i am alone in this tunnel, I am afraid that I would give up and stop moving forward... Oh God, please send me my guardian angel to relight this light within me... Without it, I am nothing.... I cant sleep well, rest well or do anything well without its guidance... Those who have turned to me for help are suffering as I cant help them.. The light is everything to me... PLEASE my LORD, send the guardian angel to me as soon as possible.. So that i can spread the love.... So that I can once again have that ferocious light burning in me which would give me strength and once again be whom I am.. So that it can show me the way out of this treacherous tunnel I am in...

2010-06-12T13:45:00.003+08:00

I am having a mixed feeling... I am just weird... I am feeling pissed with myself for being so... haish.. i am worried for those juniors both in NCC and in prefectorial board... hope they don't quit in their struggle... Tired of life, homeworks and studies.... Disappointed with myself in not achieving what i want.... there are a lot more... the worse one is feeling very tired of wearing a mask... its probably easy for you guys to ask me to just put it down... its easier said than done.... really hard....it has already been in tuned into my life..... life???? its just a stage for actors... the bas actors suffers openly but the good actors suffers secretly... probably i would private my blog soon so i can pour my feelings out without anyone knowing... don't really want my loved ones to worry for me..but i need some where to pour that feelings out... so that i can carry on acting on the stage of life..

2010-06-08T22:16:00.003+08:00

Today wore mask again... went to school, did not talked much... was really tired that after lesson finish i went to prefect room to sleep.. amazingly i manage to get some sleep though i was quite disturbed... did not talk much when i was witht he juniors and eat lunch with them... after come home sleep all the way until 7.30.. made my way to Meet the People Session, haish need to change mask.. .. I am so tired.. homework have not finished... i cant cheer the people around me who is sad... i am such a failure.. a good for nothing.. a useless pile of trash...

2010-06-07T20:37:00.001+08:00

I am tired.. really tires.. tried to improve my grades for 2 years.. 2 bloody fucking years.. i still have not improve. Tried to study at home, niee disturb... Tried to study at mac, parents nag... Tried to study at school, parent complain.. Never study, exams/test fail... Fail then teachers start to make noise... very demoralising.. i cant stand all this anymore... i am just a normal person..

2010-06-07T19:35:00.004+08:00

Wore a mask to school today. a smiling mask... dd not joke or make people laugh... i even put a stong front in front of CK and Qiqi today... i am really tired of everything... of life... want to talk to kevin, never like the way he talk to me.. all the vulgarities and shouting would rise... i have been wearing a mask for years... when can i put it down??? God, you are the only one whom can help me...

2010-06-06T23:07:00.003+08:00

i feel like crying but i cant... i dont know, whats wrong with me today..? Perhaps i am just feel that i am a useless good for nothing fool.. i feel helpless.. i am a loser....

2010-06-06T22:06:00.001+08:00

Haish, i am tired of everything... tired of this stinking life... an endless vicious cycle... how iw wish it all could simply end....

2010-06-01T17:55:00.002+08:00

Decided to blog today

hmm, woke up as per normal in the morning... Do the normal stuffs and make way to school...

1St period - Chemistry
Did some experiment with marble chips and HCL. While doing experiment i keep disturbing Wei Cheng and Michelle XD Had a great time disturbing Wei Cheng...

2ND period - SS
Was listening and copying notes when i suddenly heard like a ghost crying beside me... Actually it was Cheryl Yuen singing... sorry cheryl, dont mean to be so bad to you XDD Then we suddenly talked about where we want to go to.. So Cheryl, Work hard so that you can go to those placesXD

Break
OMG!!!. The food was..... Mdm Law promised tmr food would be better so yah looking forward for it XD After eating drop in the prefect room when they having meeting.. Finally can see them working.. GOOD JOB guys, keep it up XD

3RD period - Maths
Went through paper then got Cheryl to teach me XD Thanks Cheryl

4TH period - History
Spent most of the time listening to Mrs Tan - the only period i think i listened apart from maths... throughoout disturbing Meggie and vice versa XD

After study camp went to prefect room to sit in their board review... Found out that the room is very disorganise...XD then after that went out to lunch with them...Had a great lunch, especially XD (those at my table would understand). After eating the rest need to go home, so i wander with Chin Keong around kovan while he waits for Xin Yuan... after that went home

overall, today was fun.. Had a good mood the whole day..

To Nicole
Hey Nic, must get well soon k??? This is not the time to fall sick.. time is crucial now.. take care of yourselve XD

2010-05-26T18:37:00.002+08:00

I was expecting that message to come from you judging from the attitude you have been showing me for days.. whatever i heard from you, i use selective hearing.... i shoose to listen what i want to listen to.... i am lost, i dont know what to do... i am such a failure....

Judgement Day - The Promised Day

2010-05-23T17:40:00.000+08:00

2010-05-10T17:21:00.002+08:00

Enjoyed myself during the weekends... I wont be sharing about it though it was really fun... More of trying to clear my mind before doing my maths revision...

I used to complain to the teachers that when i leave home the sun has not rise and when i return home the sun has set... But it seems after i left there is a big hole in my heart.. Though now i am wearing my tie again, do not be mistaken that i am back but we are just wearing for the sack of wearing it... makes no difference we still have stepped down.. Now i understand those people who have spend years in the board but have to leave it.... Soon it would be the school..
I seriously feel like walking under the rain and cry my heart out.... I don't know why i feel so sucky... why memories of those times always recur in my mind... Perhaps due to the reason that i am free, which was why i always think about all those negative thoughts...

2010-05-07T21:46:00.005+08:00

Yeah 50th post.. Decided to share a story i read...Though the lower parts are more for muslims freind of mine... The other believers can read the story up to the Qur'an verses and proceed to the last sentence...

A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see and asked the students, "How much do you think this glass weighs?"

"50 grams!"..."100 grams"..."125 grams"... the students answered.

"i really don't know unless i weigh it," said the professor, " But my question is: What would happen if i hold it up like these for a few minutes?"

"Nothing", the students said.

"Ok! What would happen if i hold it up like these for an hour?" the professor asked.

"Your arm would begin to ache", said one of the students.

"You are right, now what would happen if i held it up for a day?"

"Your arm could grow numb, you might have severe muscle stress and paralyse and would have to go to hospital for sure!" ventured another student; and all the students laughed.

"Very good. But during all this, did the weigh of the glass change?" asked the professor.

"No"

"Then what caused the arm ache and muscle stress?" the students were puzzled.

"Put the glass down!" said one of the students.

"Exactly", said the professor."Life's problem is something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem okay. Think of them for a long time and they begin to ache. Hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you. You would not be able to do anything".

"It's important to think of the challenges(problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to have trust in Allah (SWT) and "put them down" at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh and strong and can handle any issue, any challenges that comes your way!"

So, as it becomes time for you to leave office( or any where else that cause you the stress.) today. Remember friend to "PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY' and have tranquility by gaining trust in Almighty Allah(SWT).

Noble Qur'an says: "He it is who send down tranquility into the hearts of the believers taht they might have more faith added to their faith. (48:4) Tranquility is sign of strong faith while worries and stress is sign of weak faith.

Tell to your mind every day before you go to sleep: "YAA AYYATUHAN NAFSUL MUTMAINNAH , IRJI'II ILAA RABBIKI RADHIYATAN MARDHIYYAH, FADKHULII FII IBAADII WADKHULII JANNATII". (Al-Fajr 89:27-30)

Translation> "O soul that is at rest satisfied. Return to your lord well-pleased(with him), Well-pleasing(him). So, enter among my servants, and enter into my paradise" Noble Qur'an.

By worrying so much, do not turn you life to hell, Good luck...

2010-05-07T21:00:00.003+08:00

Thursday 6/5/10

Maths paper 1 was doable though i know i wont ace it... Mother Tongue paper 2 relatively easy spent 45 minutes on the paper and another 45 mins sleeping XD...

After that went to mac to study with Nicole, Moe, Theng Wei, Eileen, Jian Cheng and Ebenezer. Instead of studying i ended up talking to them...

After around 3, went to meet up with my mum and did some grocery shopping, after that homed...

Reach home, my mum asked whether i want go watch Ironman 2 with her, i told her i have a paper to study... She say its ok to go out then study when i reach home, so i obliged...

Ironman 2 was relatively nice though i fell asleep midway, kevin and claire would understand...

When i reach home fell asleep, so tomorrow paper die.....

Friday 7/5/10

Went school, both paper is Biology... nothing much to say... looks like i am going to flunk almost every subject....

Nothing much happen just that got messages that made me worried throughout my Friday prayers..

Tomorrow plans to take the Duck Tours with my family to celebrate Mother's Day..

Hey gal - Cheer up alright... Look on the bright side of life.... Why want to end your life just because of something that you are even unsure of.. Think of those who wants to live but does not have the chance to... So treasure life....

2010-05-05T18:39:00.002+08:00

Wednesday 5/5/10

I am so really going to kill myself... i actually froze for half an hour with a blank mind staring at the question... I spend a long time to study it and it can just turn blank... thank god i manage to recover the memory and finish the paper on time...

After exams, went to walk around the school then went to canteen after all the recess finish to study some maths... then when to play badminton with my 4 so-called fitness instrutors XD they are Sok kuan, Stephen, Jimmy and jocelin. Had a blast time running around the court XD haha, you know what i mean...

Life had improved so much this few days... I am so going to enjoy life which i have been missing these few years... Cheerios, going to study and play somemore... XD

2010-05-03T21:54:00.003+08:00

Monday 3/5/2010

Went to work so nothing much happen....

When i was at home manage to study Authoritarian Regime..Hope to cover 1 more chapter soon...After finishing the revision, i sat down thinking about how everything is and suddenly remembered its already May... Its time for the preparation.... Messaged them but only 1 replied so i prepared him.. The other one i know wont reply so i was sitting there thinking why should i care in the first place... My time is up, whatever happens is already none of my business... After that my heart suddenlyfeel so light and i began to joke around with my family... I guess the burden i have been carrying made me a gloomy person.. Glad that its all over now XD

10.00p.m.

2010-05-02T18:54:00.003+08:00

Friday 30/4/2010

Finally happy again... Had a nice time chatting and studying in class with my friends... We had 4 period of maths which is equivalent to 3 hours which we spent on doing question on other school papers together with TYS( Ten years series)... After schooll went prayers then went back to school. Help the office sort some stuffs then went to Macdonalds to meet some one... In the end he said dont need, but reach le then saw Claire, Jaryl and Shi ying... Settle some stuffs and went from table to table to talk to juniors... Wanted to study but mood was to high in the end look at them do casco!! Crazy sec 2s, so competitive.. hehe.. After that homed at around 7. Bathe and then went out with my sis and mum to bugis... Walked at bugis street and bought a new sling bag, like finally...haha. Homed and reach about 10.30. Was tired then sleep..

Saturday 1/5/2010

Woke up at 7, not used to waking up late... XD When i woke up, i switch on the television and went to toilet to bathe in the end when i came out my parents and maid is already awake, maybe i woke them up, haha... Talk and talk with my beloved parents then my mum and me went out to get some things done and buy some stuffs. Then we home.. In less then 1 hour, we decided to go out and watch ironman 2. So we bused to woodlands, Causeway point... Went all the way up but the queue was god damn long... then told my mum don't need watch next time then watch... So we had our late lunch and talk... It seems it has been some time since i last talk a lot to my mum... After finish eating, we wanted to go back home. We had to turn one round to get to the other escalator so i told my mum lets take a short cut at the arcade... My whole idea is to take the short cut, i walked in front and reached at the exit when i turned around not to see her.. So i went back to find her, i found her looking at someone playing time crisis 3 ... I was shocked... I was even shocked when my mum asked me to play.... GET THIS, MY MUM ASKED ME TO PLAY!!! weird, normally a child would be the one asking.... haha.. that's not the end of my shock, she asked me to top up $10... Initially i thought i would be playing alone... BUT she asked me to play the basketball thingy, so i played and she asked me to let her play... SO i tool one station and she took one... GUESS WHAT!!! TO MY HORROR, SHE WON ME!!! I was laughing my head off as she always complain her hands are pain but she can actually shoot the basketball like nobody business... I was standing wondering is she my mum... In my whole 15+ years with her i had no idea she can throw so well... Homed and watch the lord of the rings till 2 a.m..

This was the best weekend i ever had... Have not had this kind of fun and satisfaction for a LONG LONG TIME!!!

Sunday 2/5/2010

Nothing much happened. Went to work then homes.. So i am here now posting when i should be at Mac studying... Going there now, cya next time :)

2010-04-27T21:00:00.002+08:00

SS paper, screwed it up... Nothing to say... EL PP 2, screwed summary up... Mid paper can think about that guy.... I am so angry with myself....

Met up with the exco to inform certain things... Then tried to study A maths but could not concentrate... In the end thought of something else then vent my anger on something... Hope no one saw it... After went to eat with Han Yuan and Jun Hao... It seems whenever i am down i would crave for curry chicken....

If only i have not accepted the position... the board would be better than it is now... It has become worse than when we inherit it... I made someone else lose their chance to get the position just because i was selfish and wanted the position... So much people tell me they respect me due to my leadership skills... that's all crap, i know i am the worse leader and deputy head prefect or even better prefect that the school ever had in it's 100 year history...

2010-04-26T18:58:00.002+08:00

Haiz.... What a week that has passes.... Lesson after lesson, test after test, homewrk after homework, practical after practical, paper after paper, remedial after remedial and now night classes after night classes??? We are going to frop dead le... almost havlf of the class falling sick... now got message that tuesday after paper and wednesday got remedial... What the hell, we are no robots who can study for 24 hours!!! i am going crazy soon...

Don't know why i feel this way... When the juniors greet me be it from prefectorial board, ncc or normal students, i ask myself... do i fit for such an amount of respect... to the extent even the 1T1 boys give me face... some times i think i am not fit even to be at my porition- the position that i used to hold that is... now my life in secondary school is going to end, but i just could not find 1 success that i had but more of failures...

2010-04-14T21:15:00.002+08:00

Been a good week till today... wont talk much but more of venting my heart out. SO please those who don't want read DON'T read.

All the things i have done was in vain... I treated you better than i treat my ex co and myself... I miss 5 mins of lesson everyday last year to run down to check on you to make sure that you are alright and not getting too depressed.
Argue with the ex co each time they want to do something to you... argue with them to get w you want...
Standing all the sarcasms from the teachers saying why i miss alot of lessons.. Why is my grades deproving...
BUT WHAT DO I GET??? Disappointment time and again..
I thought i would step down happily but you have to do this to me when i am stepping down in 2 more days??? you say they don't appreciate everything i do, but did you... I feel like crying but i just cant...
Reflect on yourselves, what you have done, which can make me so hurt that i cried for the first time in 2 and a half years...

I am finally broken... i am lost...

2010-04-03T07:54:00.002+08:00

Been having sleepless since that Saturday when someone told me about something... Messaged them but got very little reply, which is unusual... Dragged on day by day by day... Started to message someone else then start getting replies and night by night the message got more deeper... He was my friend at night when i could not sleep and he accompany me till i sleep. When he and the others go off, my whole life was so quiet its as if i am a new boy in school. After school going home straight, no one to talk to and study with...

I don't know why must i have this kind of feeling.... I have gone through worse than this and i did not even think or feel anything about it...I felt so helpless, cant study, cant eat, cant sleep, cant communicate with my friends.... I am like a living zombie...I would leave to got to decide for me, i am tired and need some rest...

Thanks to all those people who have been trying to cheer me up, my best friend, my classmates, my exco and my prefects.... Just ignore me for now, thanks again

To those who cared for me:
I would try to be happy again but give me time to face all this nonsense feeling first. Would be me again soon..

2010-03-27T22:49:00.002+08:00

A lot of things had happen these few days...

One of them stuck on my mind and it is very difficult to be removed as if it had been put together using super glue...

This goes out to all those i have hurt intentionally or unintentionally
- If you think throughout the time you were presenting your proposal, that i am not listening or being disrespectful, just a reminder, have i treated you in such a way before? I always advice others to respect everyone around him including himself and you are thinking i am going against my own words???

- If you think i cause interruption in your presentation which in turn cause you to not present according to planned, following the script its to see how you adapt to changes & how you work under pressure...

Bottom line is do not hate me just because i push you too far because its for your own good. I had rather you know your weakness now then later when your juniors correct you. I have been there and the felling totally sucks... I am kinda disappointed that after years of knowing me you still do not know my character... you chose to think and assume that i am alike to someone whom you know i have always try to differ from.

sideline to the 3 that have been affected by the numerous decision of the exco... I am not going to force you all, you control your own life. just choose what you truly want and tell me because whats the use of you being forced to do what you don't like and give attitude and cause a lot of unhappiness....

I am really looking forward to the date to the ascension of the juniors to our position...

Ending with a a question which has been ringing in my mind since yesterday night...

Why am i in this position and whether am i truly fit to assume this position...

2010-03-16T22:05:00.002+08:00

Wednesday
I can only remember that i follow the sec 1 NCC cadets to HQ to collect uniform by PUBLIC transport..

Thurday
Cant really remember much but i think it should be one of the better days. Just remembered that i did stock check with some juniors until 7.30p.m.

Friday
After Friday prayers went back to school to complete task for the next day funfair... Settled the games booth stuff and duty list, went home at 8.00p.m. Dont want elaborate more, a bad day.

Saturday
Reported to school at 6.45a.m. Did admin stuffs then board the bus and reach CDAC HQ at 7.45. Gathered, briefed then flag off at 7.55a.m. for the walkathon. Was told to be the flag bearer during the briefing. Felt really honoured... Reached school at 9.45a.m. then take picture while the Principal, SMC Chairman and Alumni Chairman plant that stupid tree... Should not elaborte more as it was once of the worst day in my history.

Sunday
Finally can relax at home.... 2.00p.m., as per normal, need to work. Th ejuniors came by to accompany me during the work, thanks guys..

Monday
Morning 8.00p.m. reach school for prefect workshop. Workshop was ok lah, skipped all those boring stuff, sec 3 prefects you know what i mean XD... Talk to the sec 3s, tried to give them advices. Then move to Sec 1, played ice breaker followed by lunch, After lunch dont know what happen le, because i need go work again... so work and work thent he juniors came accompany me again... They are really a bunch of lovely people...

Tuesday
Met in school at 8.30 then went to escape theme park with the class.. I serioously had alot of fun, was laughing too much till my mouth ache.... Though i was tired, i still need to go to work, but asked my mum whether i can start later... XD work work work, the juniors come again.... haha i can never thank you that much :) Today was one of the happy memories that i would keep...

Looking forward for tomorrow and hope that it would be another happy day :) I would try my best to attend the bbq k?

2010-03-08T21:15:00.002+08:00

1E1 2010, was definitely the best orientation class that i have ever facilitate throughout the 3 years of being a facilitator.

1E1, thank you for making my time with you all so pleasant and thank you for appreciating your leaders effort during the orientation.

If you all remember, the first time we met, everyone were quite quiet but after sometime you were quite noisy :P

Memories spent together are meant to be kept, thus never forget that the facilitators are always open if you want to talk to some one :)

One of the memories i kept were the yuying cheer competition within 1E1 and E2, the dedication and amount of effort put into it was really tremendous and that is only one of the example of a strong class bond:)

Though i did not spend much time with you all, you all definitely made me feel that i am part of the family :) Some of you may find me fierce but fear not if you don't make me angry i wont bite :)

KEEP THE SPIRIT OF ORIENTATION BURINING GUYS!!!:)

2010-02-06T11:58:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, 5/2/2010

Morning L.A. was quite moody especially after an incident.. Followed by FRC, ignored everyone...

Went back class and was cheered up by them. Thanks guys. Don't know why but i felt energetic yesterday, i was actually teaching maths not to mention understand what was being taught??? Laughed and joked with them, glad that i can make others happy too,ha ha.. Though i was very happy again, i still chose to ignore all messages.

After school met Mr Hafiz at his office and then we set off to the mosque together. The preach and prayer were short so i reach school earlier, about 2p.m.?

Met Sok Kuan and the prefects for the briefing on the MOE interview, did not know that the P and VP would be joining us. Listen and listen and listen then was ask by P about something.. Was taught how to answer that question and nothing much.

Move on to NCC, taught the cadets how to play rag and bones then had tea session(a heavy one :P) with them. Rarely NCC got food :P Distributed the Fried Bee Hoon, chilli sausages, seaweed chicken, nuggets and fried rice then its the specialist turn to eat... After everything end, got debrief session then half-way debrief, Mr Danny needs to leave to brief the prefects on that night PTC and he ask me join him.

Went up with him, he was the only teacher which bothered to check attire and actually go through the process which the parents would be going through. At least now the prefects know that i am following the guidelines when i am strict in their attire :)

During PTC did not do duty as its important for the Sec 4s to listen...After PTC stack the chairs and had fun with the juniors... Had not had that much fun since i was in sec 2? Should be more fun next time and lesser strict :P After playing move the chairs in the hall to outside hall. After that play again.

After everything which is about 9.45, made our way to Prata shop. Had dinner with the juniors while they complain about some teachers... Chit chat with them until about 10.45, we go to MacDonald to join the girls.

I left with Jeremy, reach the bus-stop just nice the bus came. Forced Jeremy to take the bus for only 1 stop ha ha.. Evil me..

Reach home around 11, realise that my maid is back(HOORAY), bath then sleep.

Aside to the prefects who help during the PTC. Thank you so much for your help and the boys make sure you don't do that to me again yeah :) i would only allow it on events... ha ha. But mostly a BIG THANK YOU for making me enjoy my day. Though i was dead tired, it was a great day...

2010-01-01T19:25:00.003+08:00

Random pic

Trying to take a scenery of the skyscrapers from Bedok jetty

The sea view from Bedok Jetty....

1st player - Kevin

2nd player - Hisyam XD

3rd player - Claire

More scenery pictures at Bedok Jetty

Clouds - taken at outside Claire's house

Yesterday

Went to Kian Meng;s house at 11.00a.m to collect something from him then went to kovan to meet Kevin. Then went to Claire's house to meet her after that made our way to ECP. Alight from the bus went to a nearby coffee shop to have lunch then went to arcade after that headed for bowling.. Played 2 games then Desmond came and we went cycling..

All of us rented a bike except for Desmond as he cannot cycle so we ask him can he skate, he said yes so went ahead, We on bike and him on skates.. Well lets just say its less fun to cycle on that day as we have to wait for him and help him as he fell quite a number of times.. Well at least he had the courage to get on the skates..

We all decided to go ahead to Bedok Jetty and leave Desmond to go slowly to meet us there. Once we reach there saw the scenery's and took the nice and cool breeze, After 10 minutes when we wanted to make our way back to the main area to return the bike we saw Desmond(Sad that he did not get to really got on the Bedok Jetty as we were rushing). Let him rest awhile then we made our way to hawker centre. Grab a quick bite (Satay and BBQ Chicken Wings with sugarcane juice :D ) Returned bike met Kevin's parent, tried to get a soft toy from a stupid money eating machine. They spend $26 but walk away with NOTHING... Kevin's father gave us a lift and they alight me at Hougang Interchange where i make my where to the open space area beside Blk 113.

Reach there at 7+ met my YEC fellowman... Talk her talk there and help my comm to sell their stuffs... Then when Mdm Phua came was told that all GRLs(Grassroot leaders) are to welcome her so me and my exco members made our way there.. Smile2, shake hands, those normal things when you meet the MP... stayed for quite some time, chit-chat again and at the same time joke around... Did not know Samantha, Xian Yang and Caryn were so funny..

Had a well spent day and enjoyed myself. Reached home at 10.30p.m. ... Had supper then went to sleep..

Today was only spend with WORKING....

2009-12-31T10:08:00.002+08:00

Going out to ECP with Kevin and Claire soon. Gonna do some soul-searching and maybe eventually get happier?? Don't know what they have in store later..

Now i believe whats karma.. What goes around comes around... Idid exactly what he is doing to me now to him earlier this year...

2009-12-30T19:59:00.002+08:00

Yesterday spent my time to train the Part A cadets, though he does not appreciate it and thinks we sucks , as far as i am concern we are training them as far as we know how to.. Spend the night thinking about SOMEONE, cant really sleep...

Today since my mum close shop, i woke up at 8a.m.. Bathe and went to town council and HDB to pay some stuffs then went geylang with my mum and dad to eat. After that went to E-Hub to watch "Chaw". A really nice show, recommend people to watch it... Today really perks my mood up XD.. See you guys next time..

2009-12-26T11:57:00.002+08:00

I decided to open my blog once again.

Deleted those post not meant for people to ready and here you are reading..

This year my holidays is filled with meetings, duties and lots of crappy stuffs.

Thank god i got the Hainan trip to help me relax or i would be worse now.

This year is also an eye opener for me, i ..........

No one can understand me right now, the guiltiness, anger, sadness, emptiness all mixture of emotions make me want to burst, jump down from a high building, just to end my life...

When people ask me why am i always busying myself with things usually i would just smile and walk away sometimes i would just answer the standard answer "I love doing it" but no one knows i am doing it to get myself busy to avoid me thinking of negative things which makes me devastated each time a pinch of it is revealed to me. Imagine a pinch of that painful memory revealed to em and i cant bear it , how can i bear the whole of it?

Lots of things happen throughout this year. So i would want to thank my friends who listen to my weal and woes and advise me on what to do..

Thank you Nicole, Eileen and Jeanne :)

Apart from that i have 2 friends who are always there for me, always have the time to go out with me or should i say the only friends i go out with???

Thanks Kevin and Claire, stay strong yeah?

Thats all for now.

2009-08-22T21:26:00.002+08:00

This goes out to all the leaders who are reading my blog.

A True Leader Has The Confidence To Stand Alone

The Courage To Make Tough Decision And the Compassion To Listen To The Needs Of Others

He Does Not Set Out To Be A Leader

But Becomes One By Quality Of His Actions And The Integrity Of His Intent

In the End

Leaders Are Much Like Eagles

They Don't Flock

You FInd Them One At A Time

This is to the Leaders who just wants to quit, you are a Leader for a reason, not just for fun, fashion or any stupid idea that is in your head. It's because you are chosen, even though your attire stinks or attitude sucks, it can all be change if you want to. You are given the change to learn from the seniors, grab it and learn. What is so hard? If you tell me you don't want to be a leader, then why come for the interview in the first place?

I am sick and tired of all this bullshit, what the hell do you all want??? Want me to jump down in front of oyu and die?YOu all are really pushing me to my limits... I believe if i can i would stab and kill all of you all. Disgorge your intestines... YOU ARE ALL HEARTLESS BEAST!!!

2009-08-15T10:27:00.003+08:00

Arghh, I don't care what you want to do le, i now just do my job and study... Don't care you want to fall or roll or whatever bullshit you want to do i just don't care anymore... Perhaps there is no room for kindness in this world anymore, i tried to help but it is unappreciated. So i would just ignore and just be selfish... Finally understand a bit of maths, i think studying help??? Ha ha, should wash my hand from lots of stuff and just focus on my job-scopes i can study more:P To my troubled friends out there, smile always yeah, remember all the times you had fun... That's all going to study for once...ha ha

2009-08-06T19:25:00.002+08:00

Saw this on Jia Xin's blog.. "I'm going to smile and make you think i am happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile" by unknown.. i o believe in this phrase... No matter what when we smile everyone think we are happy. When i laugh in class its not that i just laugh for the sake of laughing, but to ignore the bitter truth of life.. The bitter truth of the fast that i don't have friends like people think i do and the bitter truth i am not liked by my own ****... haish life just feel so tired for me... Now even my POS are quiting, i cant help but just sit one corner look and cry and pray for their best..

2009-07-30T16:07:00.000+08:00

These few days have been emoing...Yesrterday was not a good day..Its the worse times i am going through now... not even any pictures can cheer me up... Haish... Now i can only sit and seee...Pray to god that i dont do anything stupid... Been feeling that i am swaying in the air aimlessly, without guidance... Friends to be trusted are not even a handful... Haish

2009-07-11T21:56:00.004+08:00

Life has been lots of ups and downs like a curvy roller coaster this few days.. since i was troubled with lots of things this few days, when my father ask me to accompany him to vivocity today i chance upon the request.. While i was there i went to the seaside, near the jetty just outside vivocity.. The wind was so fresh and the scenery was so beautiful that i felt all of my worries were instantly lifted from me.. So i dedicate this post of pictures to those people out there who are are very stressed up to enjoy the beauty of our mother nature.

2009-06-29T19:52:00.002+08:00

Thanks for those birthday wishes guys.. Well, i would only start celebrating with my family next week over dinner and may post some pictures :P.. So far everything in school was fine and my life has went on a uphill... yeah..Still have not complete holiday homework... nothing much to post...I hope you all enjoyed your holidays :P

2009-05-25T17:59:00.003+08:00

Hello everyone, was very busy to post this few days and would be more busy during the June holidays.,..Got 99.9% of my holidays dedicated to the school.....HAIZ...

Lots of things happen at one shot today...Put up a fake smile today to the people i don't really wanna hurt...Why is my MC only for Friday....Why not till school close...If only i did not come school today, i would not be as sad as i am now...Sorry to those people who i blew off at,did not meant to....To 2 certain people, think properly...Think whether it is the right choice..Don't you feel you are selfish?Dumping your responsibilities just like that just because of a setback...I cant do anything anymore...Just do whatever you think is right...Cant be bothered with it anymore as there are still some other stuffs that need my attention urgently....Get well soon Mdm Amrit...Really need your help to settle certain issue.....

What am i to do...All is in a blank now...So many things to settle at one go...How to settle it when all came to me today...ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
God please help me to overcome this feeling i have in my heart...It would only get other people to suffer.

2009-05-07T17:31:00.002+08:00

Saw this on Geraldine's blog and decided to do it....Lets see

I've done 50 out of a 132 Stupid Things

Level 1:
(X) Smoked A CigaretteX(Tried once in primary school but never touch again...)
( ) Smoked A Cigar
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
() Drank Alcohol

SO FAR: 1

Level 2:
(X) Are / Been In Love
( ) Been Dumped
(X) Shoplifted(Primary school time, was not caught...hehe)
( ) Been Fired
( ) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 3

Level 3:
() Had A Crush On An Older Person
(X) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(X) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 5

Level 4:
( ) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(X) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 6

Level 5:
(X) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
( ) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
( ) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 7

Level 6:
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(X) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Love / loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
( ) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 10

LEvel 7:
( ) Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding (offroading)
( ) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 12

Level 8:
( ) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledging
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 15

Level 9:
(X) Watched The Sun Set
( ) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 16

Level 10:
(X) Been Tickled
( ) Been Robbed / Vandalized
( ) Been cheated on
(X) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 18

Level 11:
(X) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
(X) Had Detention
( ) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 20

Level 12:
( ) Had / Have Braces
( ) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
( ) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 20

Level 13:
( ) Hated The Way You Look
(X) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(X) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 22

Level 14:
( ) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(X) Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 25

Level 15:
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(X) Played Cops And Robbers
( ) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 28

Level 16:
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(X) Made Prank Phone Calls
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
( ) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 31

Level 17:
( ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(X) Blown Bubbles
(X) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere

SO FAR: 34

Level 18:
( ) Crashed A Party
(X) Have Travelled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
( ) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 36

Level 19:
( ) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
( ) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"
( ) Swam With Dolphins.

SO FAR: .36

Level 20:
(X) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
( ) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
( ) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 37

Level 21:
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
( ) Done / ATTEMPTED A One-Handed Cartwheel
( ) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours
(X) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 39

Level 22:
(X) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
( ) Climbed A Tree
( ) Had/Been In A Tree House
(X) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 41

Level 23:
( ) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 41

Level 24:
( ) Played Chicken
( ) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
( ) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
(X) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 42

Level 25:
(X) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video/got asked to make one
( ) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(X) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 45

Level 26:
( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone
( ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
( ) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone's Name(In fact everyday...haha...can be blamed got STM)
( ) French Braided Someones Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(X) Hurt yourself

SO FAR: 47

Level 27:
(X) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
( ) Had A Cavity
( ) Black-Mailed Someone
( ) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 48

Level 28:
( ) Been Used
(X) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
( ) Bitten Someone
( ) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 49

Level 29:
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
(x) Flattened someones tires
( ) Rode your bike/Driven your car until the fuel light came on
( ) Got five pounds or less worth of fuel

TOTAL: 50

Re-post this with the title " I've done _ Out of a 132 Stupid Things " and tag at least 10 people to continue the chain!

Anyone can do this...

2009-05-01T21:21:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone...Been to busy to post something...Lots of things had happen and i still have not put things in the past to where it belong... i keep raking it up...why must it resurface each time i see a light at the end of the tunnel...Each time a glimpse of light past a long and dark tunnel would follow...I am now the acting Deputy Head OP...P.S. happy to get it..one of my dream post:)
Whyeachtimeitrytohelpanincidentwouldhappen..eachtimewetriedtounderstandeachotheranincidencewouldhappen...haiz...verytired....

Joshua-haha make sure you come often haha...Why dont you make a blog for yourselves???
Yun Yue-Linked:)
Amanda-Linked:)

2009-04-09T19:40:00.002+08:00

Hi guys,

Not in a good mood this two days, finally hype up after NCC today...Made a fool, of myself while walking home with Kian Meng and Zul...So many problems to settle yet very little time...3B is so crazy about winning the 10 pizzas actually we want the title not the pizza haiz....I think 3 B is my first enthu class since secondary school

To a certain someone, i don't care anymore, whatever you want to say you can say...i don't want to bother about you anymore..its not my problem..

To0 another certain someone, i don't care how big you are... I did my best for the school yet this is how you repay me?? Are prefects really dogs of the school?... haiz, another think i don't care anymore....

All in all today ends well with me being in good mood today...,.Reflect on it and thought why should i bother..I just do what is my job and stop thinking of extending my helping hands here and there anymore...Is this the first step toward a sec 3 life?

2009-03-23T18:30:00.003+08:00

Saw my first rainbow in Singapore on Saturday, it was so beautiful especially with the colour of the sky is orange, did not know why is the sky still orange when it is already 7p.m. haha...Hisyam is officially broke for the first time, someone want to donate cash to me $$$...Bought a freakingly expensive book that cost a hole in my pocket...Wah term 2 is really very busy, there is recess duty, minister visit, speech day and holy ****...Got to go just remembered i got a lot more things to settle...May not post in a week or two...

Personality test

2009-03-03T19:37:00.004+08:00

Did a test on what does your birthday month means....Although some are correct some of them are untrue, i highlighted them for you....

Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken.

Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

I am glad that i am finally getting well....

2009-02-27T19:11:00.002+08:00

What a day, woke up and pull myself of bed to get to school(by the way i am on M.C. today) bath, and go to school. Reach school people like see me scared like see ghost like that.. Thanks to those who cared for me so much, a lot of people ask me whether i am OK.... I came just because there is a history test today and went home after completing it... Actually i wrote 3 pages for , Do you think the Treaty Of Versailles is fair towards Germany... and there is 2 other question which i did on 1 page each. I was myself shock to how fast i write even though i am not feeling well....I completed the paper in just 35 minutes and i headed home...Cough Cough, what to do, it has already been a few days since i started coughing, kelp me someone, save me of my misery...PS spent the rest of the day sleeping...ha ha felt sorry for those NCC cadets who had speech day parade rehearsal, who spent their afternoon marching under the hot sun...

2009-02-21T12:56:00.002+08:00

The first time when i enter the class n the first day of school, all of them were so shy that me and aaron were talking to ourselves...
As week by week pass , you gettinig to know us more, you were so noisy that it was so hard for us to control you and its like the finale is nearing and we have not come out with a performance and a class cheer...All of you finally participated and become so enthu that i was as crazy as all of you...and we manage to get the things done last minute... Well done 1 Fotini or should i say 1Family..I am so proud of all of you.All the best in your secondary school life.
To the Facilitators, i know sometimes i was harsh to you but it is a must as we have to show to them that the prefects are a bunch of rensponsble students..And the effort paid off, Mdm Wong said we made such an impression that alot of them want to join the board...Thank You for all that you have done, the performance would not be a success without you around as i was so busy handling the other stuffs...

2009-02-17T15:34:00.001+08:00

Went to Jonathan Toh's blog and found a link to a website that tells you the meaning of your name... Here is what my name means haha its quite true actually....

The name Muhammad Hisyam induces a sense of freedom and adventure, risks and rewards, gambling and daring acts of courage. The name has passion and excitement.
One senses that Muhammad Hisyam can do anything, is extremely capable, and a true survivor. It is also highly flexible, can adapt to new circumstances quickly, and has excellent reflexes; often, important decisions are made in seconds, seemingly impulsively even. But due to sharp intuition and even sharper intelligence, those decisions are almost always right on the money. Youthful, dynamic and energetic, this name draws people who want things to be "different," and don't like the tried and proven.
Social, outgoing, something skirting the acceptable - or even pushing the envelope of what is legal.
Muhammad Hisyam 's most positive characteristics: Productive, dynamic, adaptable. Good at promoting self.
Muhammad Hisyam 's most negative characteristics: Can be unorganized, scattered. Lacks direction. Needs maturity and discipline.

2009-02-14T07:37:00.001+08:00

woahhhhhhhhh... finally got time to sit down and blog...ha ha.... A lot of things has been happening and there is so much to blog about but mostly i forgot already..to those who have been visiting my blog sorry for not updating for so long.... its like it has been 2 months since i blog.... help me please someone i am failing my E & A maths constantly... i need help... Never mind i just need to practise, practise and practise and ta daa like magic will pass ha ha... to my juniors, don't hesitate to look for me when you have problems, cannot find me, ask me for my number or anyone who has it and sms or call me.... If you dont want to talk to me approach any senior and we will be glad to help you.. Don't forget we were once in your shoes so we understand your situation...Another thing where is my valentine gift!!!!!!ha ha so no face ask people for gift... OK that's all wishing those who are sick a speedy recovery, those who keep failing may you pass all your test with flying colours and lastly to everyone lead a happy and healthy life...till next time

2008-12-18T10:18:00.002+08:00

did a personality test and somehow its true....here is the link http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
and this is what it said about me...

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your view on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2008-12-10T18:22:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 4.30a.m. to got to work and knock off work at 7p.m. Went home to bath get ready and went to kevin's chalet for his birthday after work on sunday with Walden and his mother...Met at Whitesands and bought some gift for kevin...As i am not familiar with the mall i just bought some chocolated for him, sorry Kevin!!!After buying the gifts thought of taking the shuttle bus to Coasta Sands Resort but we walked instead as it takes time to wait for the bus... While walking we chat and chat until we reach the Burger King there, Kevin met us and brought us to his chalet...Eat some stuffs and went up to the room with walden, kevin and his brother to play with poker cards... i know i am not that all good okay...Went home at 10.45....Catch a cab and reach home around 11.30, my parents were still awake watching television and to ensure i kept my promise that i will reach home before 12a.m. they did not call me even though is late... Thanks for understanding me mum and dad....Did not sleep the whole night as i am going to malaysia before 5a.m. ...... Bath at 3.30a.m. get ready and there i go to malaysia for the sacrifice....Slept during the journey...

2008-11-25T14:09:00.001+08:00

OK finally some music in my blog... this is gonna be a very short post.... I just cant wait for the December SL camp and Sec 1 registration....

2008-11-21T22:42:00.005+08:00

Class Photo

Class Photo - Fun Shot
Class Photo - Formal Shot

Clarence blowing his birthday cake

SMILE....

His Cake

Yeah.... We got the fire...

hey just posting about the class bbq cum clarence birthday celebrations... No word to describe the day as it was so funnnnn....Let the pictures tell you....

2008-11-13T00:25:00.002+08:00

It has been a long break for me from blogging.... Here we are right now, its going to be the end of the year and lets look back and refresh the memories, the mistakes, the happiness and so on so forth learn from them and keep the happy memories with you... I will like to thank the people out there who have been comforting me when i am down(well, i do feel down sometimes) which i will not name out. But i will like to express my gratitude to a certain someone who just broke our friendship because i am a prefect!!! He said the student leaders are just jerks... i don't believe this, we are helping them and this is how they thank us???? Should i just quit the board and be friends with this person again??? or should i ignore the friendship??? God please help me!!!! Well i did all i can to save it but he just insist that if i don't quit there the friendship goes.....To those who have been helping me regardless of in duty or normal school i will like to thank you if i have not thank you yet just to let you know i treasure your help a lot... that's all... see ya

2008-10-15T21:40:00.008+08:00

hihi, nothing to really post... just photos randomly pick... its during my holiday to genting highlands with my family...

2008-10-15T00:30:00.004+08:00

I look kinda of a retard..he he, he snap it while i was talking....

OK!!!!What happen to my eyes......

Sorry very blurry...

hi exam is over so i will be posting more often now... Yesterday went to jubilee mall at Ang Mo Kio with Walden and we catch a movie titled, Eagle Eye... It's a good show and i would recommend you to watch it... When we were there, there were only me and Walden and a couple that's all, really amazing huh??? By the way tomorrow getting paper liao, well i have a mix-feeling of scared and happy..... Here are some pictures taken...

2008-09-30T21:00:00.002+08:00

Hey i am back... ha ha exams is ongoing and i am still not studying!!!!WAKE UP, HISYAM!!!!Study if you want to achieve success.... i can't even sit and study for a mere 5 minutes.... can someone tell me what is the best way to study... some more now i am in my festive mood..... not to forget Selamat Hari Raya to all my Muslim friends, maaf zahir dan batin may there is no hatred among us, if there is please forgive me... To the rest of my non-Muslims friends, forgive me if i did any wrong to you and did not say sorry , i may not realise it... Well now i will like to wish to whoever who read my blog a very good luck in all your next upcoming paper.

2008-09-19T12:24:00.002+08:00

Hello people...it's so good to be back...hehe...First of all i will like to invite you all to do my friend test it is at the end of this blog....For those who have tried and got a low score , hey come on I know you know me better than that right? Lol, it has been one hell of a week with some problems either to follow him or her....God please guide me to the right path....Hey no i am not becoming a holy man but praying is a good thing ok...Thats all i can talk about the rest is sensitive issue..hehe do come and approach me if you got some comment for my blog...Cherryo

2008-09-06T10:52:00.002+08:00

Hey guys...sorry for not posting for quite some time....I was busy with my commitments that i just dont have the time to sit down in front of the computer to type a few sentences and post it...There is alot of stuff that has been going on but i prefer not to talk about it or you will be snoring.....There is still alot of stuff for me to do especially when hari raya is approaching i have to accompany my mum to geylang and so on....Before i forget i still need to do my holiday assignments....TATA
Signing off, hisyam