I have decided to reopen my blog for no reason....

I thought after i step down i can put my mind at ease and focus on my studies but i think i am wrong.. I am lost in my decision making and i think i have lost my sense of direction... Never in life have i felt this way...

Am i that stressed up?? Thats what i have been told by juniors, friend, teachers and family... Cheryl Yuen, Eileen , Jia Xin, Kian Meng and Theng Wei even bought my birthday present earlier( though it has passed-, they told me they would give after O's) and they gave me a stress tomato.. Its kinda useful and thoughtful of them but i dont think it helps me in dis-stressing... My sister says i have more white hair, so she helped me pull some out and my, there are so long.. My father remarked, "I never had white hair at your age..." When i meet with some of the those whom i have not met for some time they said i look older, like really older.. its as if i am in my 20s.. haish, perhaps i am really stressed???

I have tried my very best to study everyday but i just dont have the self discipline to sit down for hours to do some stupid questions.. how i admire those students who can study for hours....I just feel like giving up and just help my mum forever...

Wahai ibuku, kenapakah engkau kuat berjudi.. Kau selalu mengadu yang kau tak ada duit tetapi engkau menjudikannya semua... Ya Allah, ampunkan dosanya itu dan tunjukkanlahnya jalan yang benar..

Should i just handover everything to you.. since you are the one in charge now... But i just dont have the trust that you would do a good job.. after everything that you have done i have some doubts about you... show me that i am wrong and everyone is right..

And you please mind your language.... you are always getting into trouble.. knowing your temper i always try to get rid of those who want to harm you.. now i dont think i can do it le.. please try and control that temper of yours....

and you please take care of yourself.. just because he sometimes ignore you does not mean he does not like you anymore.. He may just be tired.. K.. these few days its been better, hope it stays that where..

hey girl.. stay strong k? you can fight that disease... you are a strong girl who has always tried to cheer me up.. i know you can do it.. please stay strong and fight it...